PARENTING PLAN: WHAT IS IT? WHAT USUALLY HAPPENS?
A "parenting plan" is another phrase to describe a custody / visitation plan. I'm not sure when the phrase came into common usage, or why, but it does sound less clinical, less "legal" and maybe therefore not as scary as "custody and visitation." A lot of energy, from attorneys, mental health professionals and judges, goes into keeping the parents positively engaged in the process, instead of polarized by conflict. Someone among them came up with this phrase years ago, and it has stuck.
So, what can I expect in a parenting plan, you ask? Times have changed a lot since the "olden days", when mothers always got primary custody and fathers had alternating weekends with the children. First, though, before the judge even weighs in on the issue, the parties are encouraged to set their own terms by agreement. One of our local judicial officers, who shall remain nameless lest I happen to misquote him, repeats a mantra from the bench: "Do you really want the government telling you folks how to raise your children? Because that's what you're asking me, as a government official, to do if you can't agree." You may be reading this because you seriously doubt that you and the other parent are going to able to agree on a "parenting plan." You might think there is a finite menu of options available to the judge. But both you, the other parent and the judge can become as creative as you each are willing to be. It may be easier to identify here the plans which are most often avoided, and therefore may look bad if even proposed.
Don't draw a conclusion one way or the other without first getting good legal advice. And, you should remember, as practitioners of family law who have devoted much of our careers to this subject, we make it a point to study the thinking, demeanor and habits of our dozen or so family court judges (plus the judicial officers who handle Dept. of Child Support Services matter.) I don't think any of them would feel badly about my saying this. In fact, I suspect they expect us to do it. You can like parenting plans customize your legal support so calling and talking to a Family lawyer can be a good idea. Anyway, back to those "bad" plans:
The "50/50 plan", alternating weeks, or biweekly, or monthly, etc. With very young children, this can work, and should be discussed with the attorney as an option. With school age children, though, it's thought to be too disruptive. In sixteen years of practice, I've seen one case where the judge ordered this with school age children. Father, my client, moved five doors down from the mother, on the same side of the street. If ever there was a candidate for the 50/50 plan, that was, and is, it. The judge may figure midweek overnight is a good idea, maybe even a couple of them, with the "non-custodial parent". Sometimes, it's just some time between school letting out and the children's bedtime. Alternating major holidays is almost always a given, with some tweaking to customize for the situation.
Sole physical custody: Be ready to prove the other parent is a serious danger to the child if you must go down this road. This plan, if it can be called on, is seldom warranted, and ordered only on fairly alarming evidence. Some examples I've seen: clearly false allegations of child abuse, justifying limited visitation between the children and the false accuser; gang membership and activity by a parent, presenting a danger to the child; illicit drug abuse by a parent which causes that parent to be incapable of parenting, or nearly completely untrustworthy with the care of the minor child.
Sole legal custody: Also rare, but more common than sole physical custody. When it is apparent to the judge that the parents are in such conflict that they cannot be expected to agree of such necessary things as schooling, medical care, and other fundamentals of life, the judge may want to simply things by giving only the parent with primary physical custody that authority (legal custody) to decide those matters. It also can be a function of the absence, or unavailability of the non-custodial parent, and may not be a reflection on the level of conflict at all.
Parenting plans can be as varied and unique as your family, call our office and we can discuss this in more detail. 619-235-4095
